is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
