It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
