if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
