i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
