ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
