He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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