One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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