respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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