I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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