I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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