i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize