Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
