Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize