Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
