READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
