Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
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