I forgot how hot balto sounded
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
