I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
