i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
