and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
