Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
