she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
