I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
