I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
