Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
