the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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