Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
