Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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