I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
