He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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