Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
