You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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