Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
