So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
