For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize