If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
