dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
