one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
