haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
