Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I understand Curling. That high.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
