oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
