she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Randomize
