In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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