Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize