I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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