I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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