I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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