remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
