I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
