Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
