where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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