He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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