I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
