a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
