grandma shit on top of the toilet
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Randomize