I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
