i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
