I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
