i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We don't watch enough power rangers
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
