he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
