I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
