look no pants
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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