and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
